from Pain to Glory

Tonight I hurt. I hurt all over. I am immersed in pain. I try to lie down and sleep but as I lie there every fiber of my being is screaming at me for relief. There is none. I took pain meds but they've made me sick to my stomach. They may kick in sooner or later, but seems lately its always later.

I am sore like I've been punched all over. I am tender. I feel every muscle, every joint, every hair. It all hurts. I want to go to sleep, but lying down hurts more than sitting up, so I will await such an overwhelming sleepiness that I cannot but fall away to a dream world where hopefully, my pain is less.  Sometimes the pain invades my dreams as though it was written into the script. Other times, it is when sleep finally does take over that I am pain free for a couple of hours.

I know that my trials are temporary. I know that my pain is temporary. I am grateful that I am alive as I was dying and I was healed of so much of the source of this pain. I long for complete healing or for at least another measure of it. Yet, I know my God is in control.

I trust His character even though I hurt; even though I don't understand why I have to endure this pain. I know many others have their pain as well and I've come to believe that it is not okay to compare my pain to anyone else's. Every person's pain is their own and it is theirs to feel in any way they desire. Its not something to compare saying  "mine is worse than yours" or "yours worse than mine".

I believe that every single thing in our lives is something that God can and does use to His glory in life if we submit it to Him.  Consequently, I have seen how my pain has opened up doors for me to connect with others who have pain. Perhaps that's the purpose for it all. Perhaps not. Either way, again, I trust His character so I know He will bring me from pain to glory. And in that day when the temporary gives way to the eternal, there will be no more pain, no more tears, no more need to explain my pain to those who don't understand. But there will also be no more time to use my pain to connect with those who do. So I must be about His business in the meantime, and let this pain open the doors that its meant to open.

God help me be faithful even in the hard things, like enduring temporary pain for Your kingdom and Your purposes. Thank you for trusting me to walk this path. Thank you for a life of purpose and for showing me purpose in the pain. May I be faithful.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18 NIV

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Birth Numbers, Superheroes and Rock Bands

In what decade should you have been born? What color are you? What model car are you? What superhero are you?

Which Downton Abbey character are you?
Which Rock band are you?
Which state should have been your birthplace?
Which superhero are you?
What age are you really?
What kind of girl scout cookie am I?
Which of Jesus' disciples am I?
Which Dallas' character am I?
Are you creative or analytical? Find out in five seconds
Which of 16 personality types are you?
Are you right brained or left brained?


It  seems that everyone is getting in on the game to find out who they are and what that information tells them about their personality.  Why? Well its harmless fun, or is it?

Today, posted on facebook, I saw an article that talked about one's "birth number". By adding up the numbers in your birthday, you could find out about your personality. The article said, "Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing." Of course, this is just part of the caption below the photo shared on facebook. Its almost impossible to track down the original source of the information. 

However, a quick search on Google reveals some truth behind the birth number practice. The birth number is part of the practice of numerology that is defined by Webster as "the study of the occult significance of numbers. "  Its not a good idea for Christians to practice the occult in any capacity, so it stands to reason that we should avoid even what appears to be harmless practices of reading about our personality from our birth number.  Be careful what you participate in on facebook as it is very tempting to want to be part of the latest craze.

As for all of these quizzes about who we should have been; these are also not a good idea. They have swept facebook but their increasing popularity and use as a "fun" tool does not change their bottom line nature and how they show humanity's complete lack of completeness without Jesus. Scripture clearly tells us to stay away from all sorts of fortune-telling. The Bible tells us that we were made for the exact time and season in which we were placed, therefore we do not need to take a quiz to tell us what decade, or year or town we were meant to be in, as we are in the very one God meant for us. (See Acts 17:26-28)  To look for anything different is rebellion in that one is telling God that He doesn't know what He's talking about. And Scripture says rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft.

 It appears many are starting to get led astray by simple things on social media? Wouldn't it be just like the enemy of our souls to use a world-wide phenomenon that everyone loves such as facebook to plant little thoughts of discontent with who we are in order to keep us from living in that place God has for us and from growing in Him into the person He's planned for us to become?   Friends, lets be diligent to watch over our own souls and not be led astray. Also, let's not participate in leading anyone else astray. Perhaps  you are not easily swayed and your taking these quizzes and sharing them online is all in fun, but what about someone you influence who is not as strong and ends up going deeper into things of the occult? Let's not lead others astray, even unintentionally. Search the scripture on our responsibility in this matter.

As for wanting to know things about yourself, again, just turn to Scripture.
So, who am I?


I am a sinner saved by Grace. (Rom 3:23)
    “No one is righteous—not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.” ... For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard."


I deserve death. (Rom 6:23) 
     "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord."

I am so loved by God that He sent His son to die in my place. (Romans 5:8)
      "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."


I am saved and have eternal life through Jesus Christ. (Romans 10:9-10,13)
      "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved ... For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” 

 I have peace with God. (Romans 5:1)
      "Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us." 

I am not condemned. (Romans 8:1)
           "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." 

I can never be separated from God's love. (Romans 8:28-29)
     "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I am created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)

I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works that He prepared for me beforehand. (Ephesians 2:10)

I am the temple of God and the Spirit of God dwells in me. (1 Corinthians 3:16) 

I have been given spiritual gifts from the Lord. (1 Corinthians 12:1-11)

I am an integral part of the body of Christ. (1 Corinthians 12:12-30)

I am an God's child and His heir. (Galatians 4)

I am loved of God. (John 3:16)

I have a purpose. (Mattew 28:19-20)


I have no need of surveys, tests, numerology, birth numbers, fortunes, quizzes to know who I am in Christ. I also really have no need of them to know my faults, as I already know them more than I wish. I can ask my friends if I want to know more about how I deal with a certain issue as they know me more than a random test ever will. As for when I should be born, its the year I was born, because God saw fit to put me in that year.

Let's not be so quickly pulled in.

Blessings!

(All Scripture is from the New Living Translation. See http://christianity.about.com/od/conversion/qt/romansroad.htm for more details on how to receive God's gift of Salvation. I welcome comments.)

A Different Kind of Longing

How I long....

How long to crawl into a bed.
How I long to sleep in that bed all night long. How I long to sleep in a bed all night long and not in a recliner.
How I long to lie on my side or my stomach with my face buried in a pillow once in that bed.

How I long to sleep comfortably without pain throughout the night.
How I long to sleep through the night without waking up every hour because of pain.

How I long to sleep all night long without fear of the next day and how hard it will be because of lack of sleep that night. 

How I long to be able to fall asleep without first having to take pain medication.
How long to be able to fall asleep before I'm so exhausted that I cannot stay awake.
How I long to be able to relax without taking medication that makes me relax.
How I long to awaken without dry mouth because of all that medication.
How long for my teeth to not be in such bad shape because of the dry mouth and all the medication.

How I long to not sleep away the morning because I didn't fall asleep until morning.
How I long to be awake early enough to see the morning glories blossom and to see the morning sun while the birds sing their morning songs.
How I long to not always have to give explanations to people as to why I cannot come to things early in the morning.
How I long to not invoke people's pity when they don't know how to respond to my explanations.
How I long to not feel the guilt that comes constantly because people don't understand and they just think I'm lazy in the mornings.

Oh, how I long. 

The Sea

                                                                     I stand by the sea
                                                                     Watching the glow

                                                                     Yesterday the sunrise
                                                                     Today the sunset
                                                                     Tomorrow the moonrise

                                                                     Ever here the same
                                                                     Ever here changing

                                                                     Beauty to behold
                                                                     Not to be captured

                                                                     I stand by the sea
                                                                     Immersed in the glow

                                                                     And I am speechless

I wrote the above when pondering the beauty displayed daily as the ocean and beach are always the same yet always changing. Try as I might, I cannot capture this beauty with a photograph. I find this is like our God. His beauty is constant, always the same, but always seeming to change as we learn more and more about His nature and His character. Its just that our human minds cannot comprehend all of Him in just a single look, or even a few. His beauty is reflected in all of creation, especially the sea.
Sheila Martin
11/3/12
                                             Top Picture: Sunrise on Jacksonville Beach, Florida (11/01/12)
                                                        Bottom Picture: Sunset Glow on Neptune Beach, Florida (11/02/12)

Think I'll take a shower

Written 06.15.09. I just found this in an old notebook and thought I'd share it with y'all:

Showers

There's the jump-in-quick shower
and the long, luxurious shower.
There's the I'm-really-dirty-get-clean shower
and the grooming shower.

...the end-of-the-day-relax-and-get-ready-for-bed shower and
the wake-me-up shower.

...the before-swimming shower and
the after-the-beach shower.

...the small and sweet before-we-cuddle shower and
the after-loving shower. 

...the out-in-nature camp shower.

...the shower in grandma's tight, small, funny-smelling bathroom.

...the low water pressure drizzle and
the blow me away pressure wash shower.

...the two-person shower.

...the baby's first shower with daddy.

...the sloppy, messy six-year old shower.

...the locker room group shower.

...the truck-stop pay shower.

...the hotel room, wash-quick-cause-this-does-not-look-so-clean shower.

And so many more.

A shower is fun. Its an all-alone place; a place to sing, think, talk to yourself, talk to God; a private sanctuary  to de-stress....away from the kids, the boss, the class, traffic and all who demand your attention.  Although in some showers others may be invited in, a lover, a child, or some type of public shower, overall showers are private.

Showers are a marvelous invention!
I think I'll go take one. 

The Clinic

I wrote this on Tuesday, February 9, 2010 but I want to repost it today as I'm remembering the lessons God gave me that day.

 

There's a hopelessness that hangs like a dark curtain in a theater - pulled up to the ceiling draped in half moons between the draw lines - one, two, three, all the way across the stage.

And a feeling of sad, fearful expectation that at any moment one of those heavy cloth moons, if not the entire curtain may slip and come crashing down on you.

This place, where one goes to get help with life's ills, is such a reminder of the pain, the suffering, the lack of hope that can fill you when you very body is under attack. It reminds you of the fear that accompanies the realization of just how powerless you are against the germ that invaded your body.

Yet with God, no curtain will fall on you that will remove you from His care, His watchful eye. He is still in control and has never let you go. In God, this place, even with its dark, menacing curtain, is just a tool in His hands to bring life and health to your mortal body. There is no need for sad and fearful expectation, but rather a confident, peaceful trust that the Giver of all life holds you in His hand.

Hope replaces hopelessness.
Faith replaces fear.
Joy replaces sadness.

And even though you may still sense the foreboding darkness, in Him, everything is lighter.

"But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."
-Psalm 71:14
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written 2/9/10 while waiting to be seen at the Health Clinic, pondering how often I'd been to that place in recent years

To Love Those Who Hurt

I wrote this on Tuesday, April 21, 2009 but I want to share it again.


Exactly one year ago today I became ill. This illness would change my life forever. I would walk down a treacherous path, often in such a drug induced haze that I wouldn't realize the gravity of the situation. But other times I'd be wide awake and aware of the storm in which I found myself. I'd be so very afraid that I would purposely find mindless ways to try to slip into that wonderful place called "denial".

I never knew a human body could endure such pain. I speak of physical pain.  I would do everything I could think of to lessen the pain, yet it continued for months and months. When I would see others in obvious physical torment my heart would break for them. Oh, to take away their suffering.

I recall a rather large, older woman inching her way from the window at the clinic pharmacy to the outside door. She had tears escaping her tightly grimaced face as her hands held just as tightly onto the handle grips of her walker. I could sense the humiliation too as she was whimpering out an explanation to her husband who walked way ahead of her. She was apologizing for not being able to walk any faster because every step brought agony in her knees. As he disappeared into the parking lot, I hurried past her, trying to be discreet to not bring more humiliation, with my own walker just so I could push the handicapped button to open the door for her. I knew from experience that if she arrived at the door without pushing it, she would be forced to either struggle with her walker as she manually open the door or be forced to turn around and walk several extra steps back to the place where the button was located. When every step hurts, even four more is hard.

I've found during my numerous hospital, doctor, outpatient and therapy appointments that among the sick there is a camaraderie. I guess its that old "birds of a feather" idea. Even when in a store or a restaurant, complete strangers would approach me asking my story as they were clued in by my giant back brace and walker. Rarely though was anyone really interested in my story as much as they really wanted to recount theirs to me. People are full of emotional pain and are desperate to find someone who will listen who just might have a little bit of empathy.

One day while I sat in the lab chair for my daily intravenous treatment, I found myself in a conversation with the lady in the booth across from me. She told of how ill she had been for a few years and how she would drive herself in from a neighboring town several days a week for blood transfusions. She told of her different family members; each one with their own reason for being unable to help. Her sister had recently been killed in a drug deal gone bad. Her brother had his own issues and her mother was too old. This lady was all alone and desperate to talk to someone about her life. She talked until her medication caused her to doze off. I was so sick myself that day, that I felt a twinge of relief when she fell asleep but I did pray for her as I sat there watching her receive blood as I received my massive dose of antibiotics for the day. When your heart aches and no you have no one to share your fears with even sick strangers help ease the disturbing emotions.

I was not able to drive for almost ten months. Near the end of that period of time, a social worker helped me sign up for the city's handicapped transportation system. These are the little "short" buses that pick up those about town who are either physically handicapped, developmentally disabled or both. Each time I'd board the bus, pay my fare, get strapped in and settle back trying to keep from getting the inevitable motion sickness that always hit, it would happen. The driver would realize that I was not mentally challenged so he would strike up a conversation at first asking me about the missionary base I live where he'd picked me up.  One or two sentences in and then he would change the subject to himself. I heard the life story of every driver I ever rode with on that short bus.

One guy was former military and was just sure that any day they would want him to return. He was convinced the Army would realize their having discharged him was a mistake.   Another guy moved here with his wife for a better life but their home back in California had not sold yet so life was too hard now. He described the toll it was taking on his wife and explained the solution to her crying and worrying was that he was going to "quit her".  Another guy told me of how he'd been the best mechanic the transit system ever had, but they decided to make him a driver instead. On more than one trip, this driver told me of the big mistake the city had made.

On and on, these drivers would talk and as I listened I would be praying for strength to respond lovingly. The truth was,by the end of the trip I was usually so motion sick, I'd almost run off the bus. But these guys were lonely, socially separated from interacting with people as they drove their handicapped buses around town. When you're lonely, you often don't see the pain of others.

I've been in  much physical pain, emotional turmoil and social isolation over this past year.  Yet I've never been alone. God has walked through every bit of it with me holding me when I was hurting, wiping my tears when I'd become overwhelmed and whispering to me his love songs when I longed for companionship.

I hope my interaction with others who were hurting in some way gave them a glimpse of God's deep love for them. I wasn't always able to get outside of my own pain but the times I did helped bring healing to me.  Oh dear friends, don't forget to love those who hurt.