When Pain May Come

When pain may come

    When pain may come

    And it touches you

    And all of you hurts

    No matter the day

    Nor the hour

    And you wonder

    Will it ever leave?

Tears roll, Aching soul

Pain that refuses to cede

Unyielding  indeed

    When pain may come

    And it touches you

    Your whole world

    Stops.

from Pain to Glory

Tonight I hurt. I hurt all over. I am immersed in pain. I try to lie down and sleep but as I lie there every fiber of my being is screaming at me for relief. There is none. I took pain meds but they've made me sick to my stomach. They may kick in sooner or later, but seems lately its always later.

I am sore like I've been punched all over. I am tender. I feel every muscle, every joint, every hair. It all hurts. I want to go to sleep, but lying down hurts more than sitting up, so I will await such an overwhelming sleepiness that I cannot but fall away to a dream world where hopefully, my pain is less.  Sometimes the pain invades my dreams as though it was written into the script. Other times, it is when sleep finally does take over that I am pain free for a couple of hours.

I know that my trials are temporary. I know that my pain is temporary. I am grateful that I am alive as I was dying and I was healed of so much of the source of this pain. I long for complete healing or for at least another measure of it. Yet, I know my God is in control.

I trust His character even though I hurt; even though I don't understand why I have to endure this pain. I know many others have their pain as well and I've come to believe that it is not okay to compare my pain to anyone else's. Every person's pain is their own and it is theirs to feel in any way they desire. Its not something to compare saying  "mine is worse than yours" or "yours worse than mine".

I believe that every single thing in our lives is something that God can and does use to His glory in life if we submit it to Him.  Consequently, I have seen how my pain has opened up doors for me to connect with others who have pain. Perhaps that's the purpose for it all. Perhaps not. Either way, again, I trust His character so I know He will bring me from pain to glory. And in that day when the temporary gives way to the eternal, there will be no more pain, no more tears, no more need to explain my pain to those who don't understand. But there will also be no more time to use my pain to connect with those who do. So I must be about His business in the meantime, and let this pain open the doors that its meant to open.

God help me be faithful even in the hard things, like enduring temporary pain for Your kingdom and Your purposes. Thank you for trusting me to walk this path. Thank you for a life of purpose and for showing me purpose in the pain. May I be faithful.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18 NIV

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A Different Kind of Longing

How I long....

How long to crawl into a bed.
How I long to sleep in that bed all night long. How I long to sleep in a bed all night long and not in a recliner.
How I long to lie on my side or my stomach with my face buried in a pillow once in that bed.

How I long to sleep comfortably without pain throughout the night.
How I long to sleep through the night without waking up every hour because of pain.

How I long to sleep all night long without fear of the next day and how hard it will be because of lack of sleep that night. 

How I long to be able to fall asleep without first having to take pain medication.
How long to be able to fall asleep before I'm so exhausted that I cannot stay awake.
How I long to be able to relax without taking medication that makes me relax.
How I long to awaken without dry mouth because of all that medication.
How long for my teeth to not be in such bad shape because of the dry mouth and all the medication.

How I long to not sleep away the morning because I didn't fall asleep until morning.
How I long to be awake early enough to see the morning glories blossom and to see the morning sun while the birds sing their morning songs.
How I long to not always have to give explanations to people as to why I cannot come to things early in the morning.
How I long to not invoke people's pity when they don't know how to respond to my explanations.
How I long to not feel the guilt that comes constantly because people don't understand and they just think I'm lazy in the mornings.

Oh, how I long.